i'm afraid of a lot of things:
the dark
my hands
my skin
your face
myself.
i'm afraid of the way a lie is always close
but i can never follow through,
the way my hands shake when i'm angry
and i start to feel like i'm alice
caught in a bottle
trying to shake myself free
i'm afraid of the way this tiny little town
is scooping me up and stripping me
of everything i've ever known
even the things i've always pretended
and telling me that i mean nothing.
i'm afraid of going near my suitcases
because i know i will try my hardest not to look back.
i'm afraid of my mother telling me
that i've failed at things
because i'm afraid of everything.
i'm afraid of sleeping alone now too
and of telling myself bedtime stories to fall under
i'm afraid of believing them too
i'm afraid that i've made a mess of things
and i'm afraid of my uncertainty
and inability to give more.
I'm afraid of making little things
seem like giants
i'm also afraid that everything i touch
dies.
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