Meet me on the Equinox

Thank god for re adjusting
Thank goodness I am wiser for having done this
Thank walmart for cheap wine glasses
And the prospect of obliterating
Everything
With one swell, a tip of the stem
While I tell myself that I'm not an addict
I just like the feeling of being more than I am
And I am bigger because I know the differences
Between me and my selves

Granted

I've been a follower

For longer than I've been a lover of you

And if you think it's not long enough

to shake me

then you don't know me yet

I fall. Fast

That's the easy part

But I have trouble getting back up

And dusting off the sick feeling

that I get every time I think about

leaving here.

It's what I do best.

It's the one thing that drew us

together with picket fence dreams

and it's my one flaw

that you take for granted.

I take a lot of things for granted.

Loving, for example.

This is not the easy part

It takes so much more to stay

than to go

And I've been going for years now,

wandering and waiting

and calmly expecting change to happen

It always comes

rushing in like a bullhorn on full speed.

I'm always ready for the blow

I wish that I could say that this is it for me

I wish that I could keep my composure

when future plans come into play

I wish that I didn't think that everything

comes so easily

That I deserve everything that I want

I wish I didn't want so much

And that my bones didn't ache for sea sand

I'm jealous of the fixtures we've inherited

Mostly because

I want to feel the same salinity on my cheeks

and something other than snow on my eyelids

I still love. I still wish. I still dream.

I just do it in monotone these days.

And I don't mean to make you think

That it's all because I'm unhappy

Just know

That there is something in you that

Makes me say stay

That tells me I have no choice

But to root myself in you

And if you're here, so am I