it's what i do..i dream

If I wanted to say to you that I wanted to hear your voice and hear you laugh on a Sunday morning in spite of all the damage…

November 11, 2009
Normal, IL

There are pieces of skin
And hope
That I have left littered
At your doorstep and in your
Mailbox
To keep safe, away from me
‘Cause I’ve been scratching
Surfaces lately
And noticing things that
I’d forgotten
The way your hands never
Stopped moving
And you hated to smile
So I thought that I could never
Make you happy
And I was quite possibly right
About the time we sat in your
New car for an hour
And decided hat there must be
Something there
You could never stop touching me
So there had to be something there
But I knew that it could never
Be enough for you to
Simply have me near you
So I hid myself and my hands
And I never touched you again
This is what I grew to know:
It takes so much more to pretend
That one dimension of living
And no semblance of
Loving
Can save us
I’ve saved your memory
For longer than I’ve loved you
And I’ve modeled myself into
That girl way too many times
And I tell myself that every
Girl isn’t close to who you were
And I lie and make myself think
That everyone I love is just your mirror
I keep leaving myself behind at your doorstep
Every year
When I scuttle past
Even though I know you’re never coming home
Again.